Funny jokes: Give me 5 shots of Jack

A guy walks into a bar and tells the bartender, “Give me 5 shots of Jack!” The bartender asks “Are you having a bad day?” The guy replies, “Nope, I’m celebrating my first blowjob!” The bartender congradulates him and says, “Well in that case, let me give you a beer on the house.” The guy replies, “No thanks

Funny jokes: Mathematician is extroverted

Q: How can you tell that a mathematician is extroverted?
A: When talking to you, he looks at your shoes instead of at his.

Husband-Wife jokes: how miraculous and powerful

Wife:--------You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
Hubby:-- When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.
Wife:------- You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Hubby:---Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem can there be greater than this one.

Funny jokes: Thinking

A Manager, his Assistant, one old woman and her young daughter are traveling in a train and during the course of time get themselves introduced to each other and become temporary friends. The train goes through a tunnel and it gets completely dark. Suddenly there is a kissing sound and then a slap! The train comes out of the tunnel. The women and the Assistant are sitting there looking perplexed. The Manager is bending over holding his face, which is red from an apparent slap. All of them remain diplomatic and nobody says anything.

The Old woman is thinking:
These Managers are all crazy after girls. He must have kissed my daughter in the tunnel. Very proper that she slapped him.

The Young girl is thinking:
The Manager must have tried to kiss me but kissed my mother instead and got slapped.

The Manager is thinking:
Damn it. My Assistant must have kissed the young girl. She might have thought it was me and slapped me.

The Assistant is thinking:
If this train goes through another tunnel I will make another kissing sound and slap my Manager again. He keeps harassing me in the Office.

Family jokes: It was Pamela

A young man went to his father one day to tell him that he wanted to get married.

His father was happy for him. He asked his son who the girl was, and he told him that it was Pamela, a girl from the neighborhood.

With a sad face the old man said to his son, 'I'm sorry to
say this son but I have to. The girl you want to marry is your sister, but please don't tell your mother.'

The young man again brought 3 more names to his father but ended up frustrated cause the response was still the same.

So he decides to go to his mother.

'Mama I want to get married but all the girls that I love, dad said they are my sisters and I mustn't tell you.' His mother smiling said to him, 'Don't worry my son, you can marry any of those girls. You're not his son !!

Funny jokes: A blind man

A blind man was waiting to cross the road when his guide dog peed on his leg. He reached into his pocket and took out a biscuit for the dog.

A passer by who’d seen everything remarked: “That’s very tolerant of you after what he just did.”

“Not really,” came the reply. “I’m just finding out where his mouth is, so I can kick him.”

Funny jokes: A drunken

A drunken man is driving through the city of Dublin and his car is weaving violently all over the road.
A cop pulls him over.
“So,” says the cop to the driver, “where have you been?“
“I’ve been to the pub,” slurs the drunk.
“Well,” says the cop, “it looks like you’ve had quite a few.”
“I did all right,” the drunk says with a smile.
“Did you know,” says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms, “that a few miles back, your wife fell out of your car?”
“Oh, thank heavens,” sighs the man. “For a minute there, I thought I’d gone deaf.”